Episode 5 – “Drowning in Red! A 36th Birthday Celebration!”
Hmm.
Akiba Maid War (アキバ冥途戦争 – Akiba Maid Sensou) is a pun in plain sight. The literal Japanese title is Akiba Meido Sensou. It has “Akiba” and “war” in it, but not “maid.” Meido (冥途) means underworld or underground, which describes the organized crime we see in Akiba Maid War. The Creatureland Group has a mission plan centered around three themes. Fighting, money, and loyalty. Every episode encapsulates the clash of those priorities among the affiliate cafés, but the highest quality is loyalty. The Maid Sheep Café would have been disciplined if the Oinky Doink girls didn’t storm them first. It was fitting that star piglet took out the star sheep maid. Valuing loyalty and violence paid off for the destitute Oinky Doink Café. Literally!
Akiba Maid War is in the middle of the season, so now is the time for character development. We need to care more about the Oinky Doink Café maids before the season finale. Bet on a ridiculous thing happening there, so the audience requires higher emotional stakes. The groundwork started with Shiipon in the last episode. Here, we learned that Ranko had been in prison before starting over in the organization as a maid waitress. These details that characters slip into dialogue keep up the world-building process as we learn more about the maids. That one line about Ranko, and her short flashback to 1984, makes the audience incredibly curious about what happened after the prologue in the first episode.
That flashback in Akiba Maid War took us back to when violence between the maid cafés began to ramp up. That’s when Akihabara turned into a gangland. Gangster anime, manga, and television always show the sentimentality beneath the harsh exterior of yakuza members. We saw this most recently in The Yakuza’s Guide to Babysitting (Kumichou Musume to Sewagakari) and The Way of the Househusband (Gokushufudou). I loved how Akiba Maid War portrayed the Oinky Doink girls eating cheap food because it built on past cynical expectations for how poorly Tenchou manages funds. Then it flipped them to pure affection for how the other girls saved up for a birthday cake. Sure, the girls raided the sheep café to bring back Ranko and Nagomi because they wanted to eat that cake. But their violent motivation’s core was to share a sappy moment with Ranko for her birthday. The café maid gangsters will stop at nothing to enjoy sweets with their sisters!
Heh.
What. The. F**k. Is. Happening here? Drowning in blood with a bleating sheep? How far into the Akiba Maid War episode before we find out? Ooh. It’s Ranko’s 36th birthday soon. Har. Tenchou’s Enka singing turns off the customers. Ranko doesn’t make it better. Tenchou’s new moneymaking scheme is to sell a million fake flowers to customers. The Oinky Doink Café falls further behind because they need to pay a minimum of the interest on their overdue protection money. Credit card debt works the same way, kiddos!
Oh, Akiba Maid War is still building up the Nerula character. Oh, man. It’s 1999, remember? Jet ink printers were still a thing! Side note: paying your local copy shop in 1999 to print a thousand color flyers would have been cheaper. She suggests holding an event to make extra money. Cosmo Melos and Kafka Big Bang are racehorses I expect to see in Uma Musume! Both those horses came way after 1999, though. The first season came from P.A. Works too. What kind of café theme does Nerula’s place have? Astronomy related? Uh oh. Nerula suggested visiting other café affiliates to advertise an event. We’ll see another café crushed by the fighting power of the Oinky Doink Café.
Here we go. Ranko turns 36 years old soon, so Akiba Maid War will show an event for the café! Suddenly, the girls eat cheap bean sprouts for dinner. There’s a subplot here. Ranko has too many ideas for her birthday event activities. Also, too much time is spent on a pun for a dick joke. Yeesh. The Oinky Doink girls treating Nagomi so harshly looks so fake. Look at Shiipon’s face! But Nagomi bought it, so it worked. Ranko’s decorations are hardcore! Aw. With only two days’ notice, no one has signed up to attend Ranko’s birthday. Nagomi will choose the wrong café to advertise the event.
Why did Nagomi pick the Maid Sheep Café to visit first? It doesn’t matter because the Akiba Maid War prologue showed a lamb and blood, so that’s all we need to know. Aw crap. The star sheep maid has her birthday event at the same time as Ranko’s. Sheep Maid Kaoruko has a screw loose about that. Ranko only rampages for the sake of others. That’s foreshadowing, folks! Ah! Flashback to a younger Ranko before the first scene in the first episode. From nonviolence to maid gun-fu in fifteen years. Action time! Whoops. Kaoruko, the Sheep Maid, only cares about herself. The Creatureland Group’s rules don’t apply to her ego. Okachimachi Panda saw what happened. What will he do about it?
Why would the Maid Sheep Café have an industrial-sized fermenting vat? For ketchup? Akiba Maid War is so fanciful. Oh no! Nagomi and Ranko will swim with the distilled vinegar! And a cute lamb? Why, Kaoruko? Why? All this is because Kaoruko kills every maid who shares her birthday. Dead maids tell no tales. But dead maids also don’t make money for the Creatureland Group. There’s a loyalty collision course happening here. Ack! Kaoruko will drown Nagomi and Ranko with tomato juice! Why throw the lamb in there? And we’re caught up to the prologue.
Aw. Ramen Master baked a cake for Ranko! And the Oinky Doink girls saved up to buy it! Akiba Maid War is all about sugar and spice. Sometimes, too spicy! Yumechi needs to improve her acting skills. Meanwhile, Ranko and Nagomi are going to drown in tomato sauce. Ooh. Details about Ranko! She was in prison until last year. We have questions to answer! Ahahaha! Tenchou dressed in a maid uniform! Why are Ranko and Nagomi so late? The cake and bean sprout sacrifice will be for nothing! Save the cake! Okachimachi is a panda ex machina. He’s always right there to move the plot along. Raid the Maid Sheep Café!
It’s time for Akiba Maid War to open the throttle of violence. So hypocritical. Oinky Doink can’t attack Maid Sheep because they’re affiliates. But Kaoruko is drowning two affiliated maids in the basement right now! Safe! Down goes another maid café. I’m sure the Creatureland Group will let it slide because they stopped a serial maid killer. Dead maids make no money, and that counts for Kaoruko too.
Happy Birthday, Ranko! Oh, Tenchou. She already ate a slice of the cake! Yay! Ranko’s birthday song and dance! Good for Okachimachi. He stole Maid Sheep’s money! How will Oinky Doink get punished?
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