Don't Hire Dr. Deborah Frisch

For those who don't follow the stories about the blogosphere itself, it is still very similar to the old bulletin boards on usenet, with flamewars erupting among the commenters on forum threads, comment sections on blog posts, and feuds simmering between bloggers. The attacks have grown in intensity and variability, from simply getting called names, to cyberstalking, to denial of service attacks. All of these elements came together over the span of a few days on the comment section of Jeff Goldstein's blog Protein Wisdom. A left-leaning troll began posting inflammatory comments to garner negative responses and, in her own admission, to get banned. However, Protein Wisdom has a pretty raunchy, at times, comment section and it is all but impossible to get banned. In fact, the crazier the comments, the more entertainment is had by the group of regular commenters. Unfortunately for the troll, who seems to have very poor communication and relational skills, she kept escalating her language until she threatened to sexually assault and kill the blogger's 2 year old son.

As most people are beginning to realize, there really is no anonymity or privacy online. The troll had to resign from her adjunct lecturer position and is now facing legal ramifications in the form of a restraining order. The troll has opportunistically tried to extort money from the blogger and is trying to parlay the notoriety into some kind of media role. In order to starve the attention and to make sure future employers of this Decision Science Ph.D. are fully aware of the damaged goods they are inviting into their workplaces, the Don't Hire Dr. Deborah Frisch blog was created to drive her page views down, so that she will stop getting the attention she desperately covets. Instead of going to the troll's blog to watch the trainwreck, go to the other blog to get the 5 o'clock news version of events.

Updates: As with any community, culture breaks out. For online communities, new vocabulary, inside jokes, nicknames, and personalities emerge. For a quick primer to get you started and posting funny comments over at DHD, take a look at the list below. The list is not yet complete: missing is the description of the debcon alert levels. Suggestions for the language and descriptions of the five levels, along with examples, are welcome. Any suggestions, corrections, and additions for anything else are also very welcome.

Updates II: The debcon alert levels have been added, but I need some help with examples. I will tweak the other entries when it feels like the "commenting period" has run its course.

Updates, More Updates: Added a few examples with translations of Frisch phrases. Added the entry for DHD Frisch nicknames: developing, please add in your favorites if you don't see it here.

And more updates: The DHD community has changed its name and its website to The Gerbil Nation at Teh Squeaky Wheel, or TSW, for short. The community, and its breadth of interests, has grown and wishes to continue its association beyond Frisch-related matters. However, as long as Ms. Frisch makes herself an issue, she is still a major topic of discussion at "teh wheel."

Teh Lexicon©

• teh crazy® (also teh cray zee®, debonics) - a combination of ebonics, misspelled words, and profanity which mark Frisch's posts and responses to those she disagrees with, which is always taken personally. Attributed to Ace of Ace of Spades who posted her comments, misspellings and all, to be held up to ridicule. teh is the mispelling of "the" and is used to reference anything Frisch related. Examples:
  • "i have a phuquing pee aitch dee, got noo rons?" trans. - I have a fucking Ph.D. Got neurons?
  • "deb ee don play dat, ephu lawbaw!" trans. - Debbie does not play that, F you, lawyer boy.
• teh cycle® - the weekly buildup and occurrence of teh crazy®. It has been suggested that Frisch begins drinking as the weekend starts, which leads to her more memorable posts, usually beginning Thursday night.
• teh WTF Vodka™ - Frisch's alleged drink of choice when she begins teh cycle®. The abbreviation stands for "What the Fuck?"
• teh whatt® - the physical material produced from "you-know-whatting." For Frisch, it was a reference to crying, which was immediately turned into something scatalogical in her own comment board. Now used as a reference to the physical aftermath of any teh crazy® post.
• vodka thirty - the approximate time teh crazy® begins, coinciding with Frisch's first incoherent rant of the weekend. Adapted from beer thirty or gin o'clock, the time of day socially accepted to begin drinking. Usage: "It's always vodka thirty somewhere!"
• sock puppeting - the use of several different, usually funny and relevant, names when leaving comments. Adapted from IP Addresses, also known as sockets, which can be traced to show that the different names are being used by the same computer. For the DHD community, several members have connected sock puppeting to the Muppet Show because of Frisch's posted pictures of stuffed animals. To choose your favorite muppet, visit this site to screen capture the muppet's image. JPG Directory is here.
• poetry slams - Frisch posts poetry regularly. Her poetry is usually straight posts of Robert Service, her adaptations to them, and rants with simple rhyme schemes with no attention to meter. The DHD community has taken this to heart by beating her at her own game, with brilliant adaptations to "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," "The Jabberwocky," and "Casey At The Plate." Song lyric adaptations are quite common and encouraged.
• Trademark and Registered Trademark symbols - the ® and ™ are used on the main three inside jokes of the DHD community. They can also be used as an extra qualifier for any word used after "teh". Use &#174 (®) for the registered trademark symbol and &#153 (™) for the unregistered trademark symbol.
• VBS'er - A DHD community member. Short for vacation bible school. Frisch lurks the DHD comment board and found a mention of a member sending kids to vacation bible school, or VBS. In a post, she called the DHD community "the lynch mob from the Vacation Bible School," which was then shortened to VBS'er in the comments. Also a reference to a BS'er, one who bullshits.
• Army of Gerbils - the DHD community, adapted from a comment from a defender of Ms. Frisch on her blog. With gerbil size keyboards tapping certain function keys, the army of gerbils is able to influence Frisch's behavior. A reference to Glenn Reynolds' book, An Army of Davids.
• Gerbil Nation - the name of the DHD community once it moved to Teh Squeaky Wheel, or TSW.
• Debmentia - 1. the addiction to any and all things related to teh crazy® 2. the description of Frisch's logic used in her political ramblings, very closely related to Bush Derangement Syndrome.
• Frischwreck - pun adapted from trainwreck, the set of circumstances surrounding Frisch's deteriorating personal and professional life.
• Teh-rapy - adapted from therapy in the usual DHD style, the act of commenting on DHD or posting comments that have been rejected by Frisch on her blog.
• Deborrhea - Frisch's rants using teh crazy®.
• Debosphere - the small subset of the blogosphere interested and related to the doings, writings, and commentary on Frisch.
• Tim's Conjecture - the mathematical description of the probability teh crazy® will begin is inversely proportional to Frisch's site's hit count (H), multiplied by the Frisch factor. The Frisch factor (currently) is defined to be the time (t) between teh crazy® outbursts multiplied by her egocentricity (e). Prob(teh crazy®)=t*e/H.
• Schadenfrisch - the act of feeling joy over Ms. Frisch's pathetic circumstances.
• Frischetious - Sounding sincere in the initial script of a comment to Ms. Frisch while actually setting up a veiled pun.
• Bar Frischvah (Bat Frischvah for women) - The celebration of the first visit by Ms. Frisch to one's blog, where she leaves a comment which includes her usual allegations of pedophilia and stories which can be classified as kiddie porn or gay porn.
• Frischening - from to frischen, the event of Ms. Frisch bestowing a new nickname on a member of the Gerbil Nation, based on some adaptation of his or her online handle.
• Jeff Goldstein's House - moniker for Ms. Frisch's 5 acre ranch in Eugene, Oregon. Alluding to the impending ownership of said property after all settlements and legal fees have been paid in the (as yet) pending legal proceedings.
• Homeland Security Deb Frisch Alert Levels - (also DebCon Levels as a reference to the NORAD Defcon levels 1 through 5)
  • Green - Sober: All is good. She's in a coma
  • Blue - Buzzed: She's awake, but suffering from vodka induced brain fog.
  • Yellow - Hammered: Random poo flinging. No clear target.
  • Orange - Batfrisch: Target identified, but reason not clear. Name calling and goofy spelling escalated.
  • Red - Yeeargh!: Absolutely batfrisch crayzee. Hide the children. Contact local law enforcement.
  (credit to illinoisrepublican)
• Debinitions - The meanings of words of words or phrases Ms. Frisch uses in her rants.
  1. pedophile - 1. Someone who sees the humor in having their likeness Photoshopped onto a box of children's cereal, which has been obscenely renamed, by a political opponent. 2. Someone who blogs from home, using "grown-up" words. 3. Any male with a young child I disagree with.
  2. humor - Count with out the O. See pedophile 1. Cuz it's a pun. Get it? *tap tap* is this thing on?
  3. stalking - 1. what I'm accused of doing, but didn't. 2. What others do to me by quoting me to my boss.
  4. lie - What other people say, using "facts" and "logic" to confuse the truth, which is whatever I say it is.
  5. Freedom of Speech - saying whatever it takes for me to get banned, so that I can claim victimhood for having my free speech rights violated. Oh, and my previous post doesn't exist. And you're stalking me for leaving it up. i never said it.
  6. ethics - What you violate when I don't like what you do.
  7. legality - whatever I think is fair for me.
  8. idiot - Everyone but me. I am the smartest person leaving comments.
  9. stupid - What I call everyone when they stump me with logic, reason or big words that I don't understand and can't pronounce. This is my catch-all term when I am outgunned in a battle of wits.
  10. google - A mythical website that I am constantly told to use, yet I can not find a link to it anywhere. I firmly believe that the little pissants tell me to use this while tinkling on my ankle to throw me off since I am way more smart than they are and they fear my big brain.
  11. Comedy - My rants that other people would laugh at if they weren't so stupid.
  12. popular culture - What?
  13. peeps - my masses
  14. actionable - Anything you say about me that I don't like is something I can sue about, even if what you say is true.
  15. let's agree to disagree - even though my position is completely ridiculous and yours is based on objective reality, but I don't want to admit that I'm wrong, so I'll just concede the point without admitting I'm wrong.
  16. real democracy - a form of government where comments in the blogosphere would be edited, and sick, murderous, on the way to nazi land comments would be deleted and the perpetrators reprimanded, of course, I would be the one to the do the editing and deleting.
  17. academentia - Any university whose members fail to recognize my genius and deny me tenure.
  18. creeps - any user who I think is a blog troll simply because they disagree with me.
  19. pissant - anyone who doesn't agree with me.
  20. repugnant - what someone is who won't shut up when I tell them to.
  21. cyberterrorist - Anyone who uses publicly available information from the Internet to hold me accountable for my actions.
  22. pretend - to act on facts grounded in reality that I want to ignore.
  23. compensation - Giving me money you made on your website when you quoted me, or else I'll write kiddie porn starring your children. That is not extortion! How dare you say that! That's actionable!
  24. positive ID - A nun telling me that my stalking victim doesn’t work at her church. Well! She can’t fool me! I R teh smrtest!
• List (partial) of DHD nicknames for Ms. Frisch - cray zee deb ee; Her Frischiness; DebGollum; Frischerbat; posterthing®; teh frisch; la Frisch; la Frischie; teh fizzle; teh cray zee lay dee; Nightmare on Deb Street; Little Debbie Snack Cake; Little Debbie Sticky Bun; CCFCCP (Coocoo-For-Cocoapuffs); DEB-bile; DEB-Vile; Ms. Debbie Football Fan;(developing)