Helmety Theft

I'm taking advantage of the free wifi at my hotel in Chico, (although for free broadband it's not very broad...) so I may as well post a Helmety Goodness Friday entry. So, let's talk about something the Empire, as in Empire Market, especially despises: shoplifting. Our favorite Day Shift Manager Chad walks us through his especially unforgiving tactics in discouraging, and disposing of, shoplifters. All too easy...

"You don't know; a shoplifter is a powerful enemy!"

Helmety Hackers

You know, most computer hackers are after data they can use, be it financial, industrial, military, or national security. But when it's Red vs. Blue, the antagonism runs so deep, that the two sides only want to use the data for the other side's eradication. In fact, the Reds are so spiteful, they even want to erase any mention of the Blues from public records. This raises an existential dilemma, however: do the Blues really exist if a search engine says "no records found"? I'll answer that by saying that a falling tree does make a sound when no one is around to hear it.


"What it means is what it's always meant: we rule, they suck."

Helmety Bailout

Now that the credit crunch bailout was passed by Congress, we've seen just how reassuring the government's actions have been to the stock market. Unfortunately, it wasn't just NOT reassuring, but also a big portion of the opposite of reassuring, since not only did the DOW drop about 1200 points in three days, but the rest of the world's stock markets plunged too. Meanwhile, the Blues in Red vs. Blue had the housing market collapse hit close to home, and their misfortune and poor judgment have affected the Reds as well. Hey, we're all in this together right? But will anyone learn not to loan money to people who can't afford to pay them back? Hmmm, we'll see...

"Hey Luigi, look at thisa helmet I found. Ima big space warrior! Pew, pew, pew!"

Helmety Ice Cream!

It may be Fall now, but in around here, it's still hot enough to welcome the corny music blaring from a refrigerated van offering sweet frozen goods. Popsicle power, indeed. In Quake Territories, it looks like it's always hot enough for the kiddies to start yelling, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for... Stroyent?"

"Captain, I'm a vege- geh!"