Blog Weather Report

Actually, there is weather to report in Southern California: rain! Well, there was yesterday, and will be again midweek. We're actually having a moderate precipitation year, which is welcome news, after the last couple of dry years. Also, expect posting to be light again this week. In addition to BSG (I said that right, right?), blame these guys. I finally got around to picking up Season One, and it is everything I came to expect: casual violence, gawdawful puns, bizarre non sequiturs, and erudite, yet sarcastic, nihilistic commentary on the state of popular media and its effect on the cultural foundations of modern American society. Gimme MOAR!

"You're a dirty bird! Dirty!"

Surreal Comic Page

This last week, the comic strip Pearls Before Swine had a story arc involving Rat as an uncaring concierge. Incidentally, I love Stephan Pastis' imaginative names for his characters: a rat - Rat; a goat - Goat; a pig - Pig; a zebra - Zebra; a duck wearing a flak helmet carrying a bazooka - Guard Duck. Simple, easy to remember, minimalist. Love it! Anyway, Sally Forth, a staple for any comics page, had the eponymous character on a business trip with her husband. So, on the same day, we had these two strips in the same comics section of the LA Times, which I'm sure was repeated on many newspapers across the nation. Collusion? Coincidence? It doesn't matter. Either way made for comedy gold!

Helmety Brawl

In this week's Helmety Goodness Fridays, we gain some insight, not only into how much MC sucks at Halo 3, but also just how much patience the much more mature Arbiter has in being his constant companion. Also, MC learns that Samus of Metroid is a girl! We already knew that, of course. And I'm sure MC quickly learned just how much sexy Samus pr0nz, er, I mean, fan art, *ahem* there is out on the internet.

"boobzzzzzz"

Media Geek Out

Blogging weather report: expect light blog showers today and tomorrow, with chances of blog delays decreasing over the next five days. This poor nerd is re-establishing his geek cred by catching up on all the Battlestar Gallactica episodes, in time for the new episodes beginning this April. Hopefully, by the time I'm caught up, I won't have to run BSG through my mental list of dirty acronyms before realizing the conversation has turned to the happenings of a sci-fi series (BSG? Isn't that the unrefined form of MSG?) Also, many anime series ended their runs this weekend (must be nice not to have to pay actors and production crew, so a show can end after 12 weeks), so, there is a lot of animated ground to cover. I'm sure my fingers will be itching to type something very soon.

Helmety Online Celebrity

Media treat celebrities a bit rough these days. I'm not talking about the fawning interviews and all the swag venues provide for them. I'm talking about the media gathering info on them for the fans. From stalker paparazzi selling pictures and video so fans can be vicarious stalkers, to just plain old stalkers. In the online world, though, fans of people's work aren't necessarily positive fans. Why? Because the anonymity of the web allows anyone to be a critic. So, mixed in with gushing pleasantries can be harsh critiques of the most arcane matters pertaining to the "celebrity." If you remember the Saturday Night Live skits of Trekkies meeting William Shatner, you have a good idea what cyberpersonalities go through everytime they meet an "adoring fan." Here's a representative sample of what one machinima creator goes through when meeting other gamers in Halo 3. The language is also representative of online behavior, so yeah, there's lots of real naughty language, not like that comic page cussing at all.

"Okay, you're starting to piss me off. I respect your opinion, and all that crap, but why the hell not?"

Bio-Ethics of Flatulence

The Body Odd bloggers in the health section of MSNBC react to a middle school's banning of "intentional flatulence." One of them, Mark Leyner, wonders whether the gaseous release can be considered constitutionally protected, er, um, expression:

For instance, how does anyone prove “intentionality” when it comes to farting? Will the school district hire forensic gastroenterologists to analyze air samples or study surreptitiously obtained audio recordings of the boys’ flatulence to try and determine whether it was deliberate or accidental? Obviously, there are various illnesses and food allergies that can cause flatulence.

On the other hand, what if a person willfully, premeditatedly, and with malice aforethought, renders himself potently flatulent? What if a middle-school student loads up, before school, on a breakfast of beans, broccoli, Brussels sprouts and sauerkraut? Can he then claim that the farting was something that couldn’t be helped, that it was “an accident.”

But there’s an even more profound philosophical and legal question to ponder. And that is: should farting constitute a mode of constitutionally protected free speech? If not, what necessarily privileges one orifice (the mouth) above another (the anus)?

There are some other flatulence "fun" facts thrown in at the end, so I say read the whole thing.

Tour de Farce, Redux

ASO, the organizer of the Tour de France, released its roster of invited professional teams. Left off the roster, Team Astana, which just happens to have last year's winner, Alberto Contador, and third place finisher, Levi Leipheimer. Astana abandoned the tour when its leader, Alexandre Vinokourov, was caught blood doping. Meanwhile, Cofidis, which also had to quit mid-race because of a doping violation by a single team member, has been asked back. Rabobank, which had to fire its team captain mid-race while wearing the yellow jersey, Michael Rasmussen, but was allowed to continue as a team, has been asked back. The consistency in not allowing Astana back to the Tour, even though it has new management and new team members, is just not there. There is still a wild card slot open, so the door is not totally closed, but not allowing the Tour champion to defend his title, while allowing these other teams caught up in doping scandals, smacks of political retribution against Johan Bruyneel, the current director of Astana, who has coached his teams to winning 8 of the last 9 Tours.

Kowai Panda?

Here's just another reminder that those kawaii (可愛い, cute) pandas, can actually be a kowai pandas (怖い, scary).

Surgical Mixup Gets Patient in the End

I'm a little curious over what exactly "anus replacement" entails, but not that curious...

Telecom Snit Cuts "Intertubes"

The recent disagreement between Cogent and TeliaSonera over traffic trading reminds us how fragile the internet actually can be. It doesn't take some cables to be cut underwater to knock out a grid; sometimes all you have to do is flip a switch (or toggle a software button). However, I think that these kinds of breakdowns will become more frequent in the future, as bandwidth becomes a more and more precious commodity. We've seen already cable companies playing "chicken" with television networks over broadcasting certain channels because of contract negotiations breaking down, so I would expect this would happen between ISP's as well.

Latte Art 2.0

There's modified applications for any technology. Proof? From artisanship to mechanical mass production.

The Right Words...

For the right situation.

I cuss exactly like this, while thinking of mean kittens covered in spikes...

Eating Hills For Breakfast

Literally.

This hill in Sierra Madre is actually steeper than it looks. Yummy!

And Happy St. Patrick's Day! Was I wearing green? Oh yes.

Erin go bragh!

Helmety Nanny State Television

I've watched with some interest the decline of British culture under its increasing loss of privacy, and the subsequent loss of freedom. From attaching speakers to nigh-ubiquitous CCTV's, so monitors can yell at spitters and public displayers of affection, to encouraging a certain amount of unhealthiness so the healthcare system does not have to pay for elective surgery, like hip replacements or root canals. But what if they decided to change television shows on the fly, as soon as those monitors of the public good deem something "unseemly?" What would that look like? Let's ask some Brits what they think!

"Just shut up and spin!"

Made In China = Infected

Remind me again, why we are buying anything manufactured in China? From poisoned pet food and toothpaste, now we have poisoned electronic gadgets. The AP story posits a very plausible explanation for why iPods and other plug-and-play devices become infected: sloppy IT practices allowing a testing computer to become infected with malware. Sloppy oversight seems to be the norm in China, as it was in the case of the toothpaste sold in South America, which had a similar sounding chemical mixed in, instead of the industry standard. Unfortunately, that similar sounding chemical only happened to kill people by the dozens. Oopsy!

Sloppy oversight in China also means bribery and corruption, where illegal liquor distilleries can pop up "overnight" and pollute the river water which is used in making the national brand. Sure, it's cheaper to send manufacturing overseas, and, for awhile, the quality liability was well worth the profit. But when liability begins to creep in to your profit margin, maybe those higher manufacturing costs in the West will look a little more attractive. Hey, come back to America! Our currency is dirt cheap too!

CSC Won't Renew Pro-Team Sponsorship

Another big sponsor has decided to abandon professional cycling: CSC. Unlike Discovery Channel, whose team organization, Tailwind Sports, disbanded, or T-Mobile, which continued on without a sponsor under the name Team High Road, CSC has promised to help the Dutch-based team find a new sponsor. I still have to applaud Tailwind Sports' foresight in quitting international cycling, where the power plays between the race organizers and the sport's governing bodies continue, sacrificing the athletes' rights and protections, and ultimately making sponsorship a bad bet. Team Astana definitely felt the brunt of this new cloud hanging over cycling, when even rebuilding the team with new management and new riders, still had them excluded from all French races at the whim of the organizer. Well, when the Tour de France turns into a regional race with only French teams participating, and the rest of the world tunes out, at least ASO can be happy with their first French winner since 1985.

Diet Soda Still Bad For Teeth

In a study mainly aimed at keeping kids off of those new-fangled energy drinks, (won't someone please think of the children!) we are reminded that soda drinks, even diet, are bad for children's teeth. The problem is the acidity of the carbonated water, which can erode teeth enamel. In teenagers, this erosion is worse, since the enamel has not yet matured and is porous, allowing faster erosion from acidity and a liquid's "buffering capacity." Energy drinks have an even higher buffering capacity, where a lower capacity means better acid neutralizing, than diet sodas. So, even if the kids won't get fat from all the diet cola, their teeth may rot out by the time they reach thirty. Great. Just one more thing to worry about. I like the Academy of General Dentistry's recommendations for sucking all the fun out drinking artificially sweet stuff: "Use a straw positioned at the back of the mouth so that the liquid avoids the teeth. Rinse the mouth with water after drinking acidic beverages. Limit the intake of sodas, sports drinks and energy drink." So now I have to carry a bottle of water so I can rinse and spit after enjoying my Diet Coke. What fun! Phtooey!

Electronic Espresso Snob

We've already seen the development of a wine sniffer, so it was only a matter of time before chemical sniffing technology was applied to coffee. It seems that the Nestle researchers are more interested in the data than the aesthetic, since the Japanese winebot is way cuter.

Tough Climb, Nice View

Yesterday, I celebrated a small milestone. So, how did I reward myself today?

[Unseen Voice]: "Joe Morris, you've just put 10,000 miles on your bike. What are you going to do now?"
Joe Morris: "I'm going to add another hill to my route and call it a shortcut!"
[Unseen Voice]: ???

Technically, my ride this morning was one mile shorter. After climbing up Lida, then Figueroa, I took a hard right and climbed the backside of St. Katherine, which leads to Holy Hill. What is on top of Holy Hill? Sacred Heart Academy.

You may recognize that bridge on the left from the video of the St. Katherine frontside recon. You can see how far away this hill is from Rose Bowl loop where I do my flat circuit.

You may ask, "How exactly was this a shortcut?" Instead of going around the hill on my way back, I just went over it. From where Figueroa meets up with St. Katherine in Flintridge, normally I would have to go all the way down the hill, using Chevy Chase and Berkshire, to get back home. But with taking St. Katherine, I climb over the hill, and take the winding Inverness road back down. So, I cut a mile off my route. However, the climb was steep. It has been a long time since I have had to spin on my lowest climbing gear. A really loooong time. On the good side, I've now found my 1400 foot, 9 mile climbing route. Masochistic, moi? Nah!

Helmety Father-Son Talk

You've probably seen the sitcom approach to how parents deal with catching their kids doing something naughty: they have "the talk." It's not so common these days, primarily because catching children smoking, masturbating, drinking, or doing drugs only serves as a launching board for gross-out humor. But back in the 80's and 90's, the show would just stop, and you could tell, something important was about to happen, that you might want to talk about later, together, as a family. BWAHAHAHA! As if that could happen today. But maybe it could happen like the old days in the new media. We've already seen what an education film might look like, and one of the topics there was corpsehumping. But is corpsehumping behavior to be encouraged by your adult role models? Let's see what happens, next, on a very special episode of Halo 3 machinima. Kids, you should ask your parents later about tea bagging, team killing, rocket whoring, and spawn camping. Well, you should really talk to your Dad...

"Son, your bathing suit area is reserved for your future spouse."

D-Minus 3-2-1...

SchmoBike 10,000! Now, now, I know that I logged 10,000 miles on my bike a long time ago, what with dead sensor batteries, not having the cycle computer turned on, or rolling through magnetic anomalies. But still, that's a lot of zeros! Heh. I had to take an extra lap around the block to get to that number too.

And here's the obligatory funny pose with the computer.

Springtime in La Cañada

The trees in Southern California seem to think it's Spring already.

The little pink tree blossoms are out. Which means pollen is about to be dumped all over the road soon, too. Thankfully, I don't have bad allergies, but that doesn't mean I'll be rubbing my eyes and nose with impunity while I'm cycling on the road. Also, another milestone is will be creeping up on me, probably sometime tomorrow.

Yes, that is total mileage.

I've owned my bike for four years, and I bought a cycle computer for it less than a year after that, and probably only put about 500 miles on it. Mind you, I was injured and off the bike for about 4 of those months. But big round numbers on digital displays seem to hold some importance over us. I only need to put 18 more miles on my obsession, er, my bike for another big, scary, round number in my life.

German Army Not Ready to Stand Up

For those who think that the U.S. military should leave Iraq as soon as possible, thinking that we should be there only as long as it takes to train the Iraqi military, never mind that we've been in Germany, Japan, and North Korea for over 50 years, their slogan has been that we need to stand the Iraqi Army up so that we can stand down. Well, we've been trying to stand the German army up for 60 years, but we can't stand down there yet since they're more overweight than the German public!

Some 40 percent of soldiers between 18 and 29 are overweight compared to 35 percent among Germany's civilian population, said the report, which also found young male and female soldiers smoked too much and failed to do enough sport.

We're bogged down in Germany! It's a quagmire! Too many German recruits are dying from IED's (Intensive Epicurean Diets)! They're not standing up because they're too busy sitting down eating and smoking! I thought the Germans already gave up beer soup for breakfast...

Coffee Woke Up European Industry

A book translated from German in 1992, Tastes of Paradise: A Social History of Spices, Stimulants and Intoxicants, has a chapter on how the introduction of coffee in the late 17th century, literally roused European mercantilism from its beer soaked diet. Just take a look at the recipe for the German breakfast of choice up until the 1700's, beer soup:

“Heat the beer in a saucepan; in a separate small pot beat a couple of eggs. Add a chunk of butter to the hot beer. Stir in some cold beer to cool it, then pour over the eggs. Add a bit of salt, and finally mix all the ingredients together, whisking it well to keep it from curdling. Finally, cut up a roll, white bread, or other good bread, and pour the soup over it. You may also sweeten to taste with sugar.”

Now, I've had beer for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but that was during a college camping trip with the guys. That was a total dude fest, and nothing beat pouring Weinhardt's dark ale in your frosted flakes. Would I do that again? Um, no comment.